What a pleasure to read all of your thoughts! You obviously didn’t just read this story, but really dug down deep into it! I can totally see your attention to detail and the way that you picked up on patterns in speech, repetitious segments, and even hidden messages. I am impressed by your ability to look at a passage and see such tiny details as are implied by the mere tone of the writing. Your thought process seems exhausting! You also show a good handle on the text by using it to support your ideas.

Now, let me address your ideas. First, like we talked about in class there is some narrowing down of the focus that needs to happen. You have so much great evidence, and so many great quotes and interesting analysis that your idea seems to get lost in it. I want to see every piece of evidence come back to the same point. You talk about fairy tales, about character development, about Ringwood’s bloodline, and even how the men are like dogs, and it is just in one brief line that you introduce your concept of truth of character. Although many of your supporting details and evidence could easily be incorporated into this theme I do not feel that the organization has brought it all back to this one point quite yet. I wonder if the paper might be a little less bombarding if the story line and evidence went in a linear fashion. Right now there seems to be a pattern of linking thoughts, but sometimes my thoughts don’t link the way yours do and in reading your paper I get a little lost how we get from one example to the next. I think I would benefit from walking through the story from the beginning to the end, and working with and looking at the evidence that way, making sure each piece is necessary to help prove your focus.

Your extensive use of quotes shows that you have a good handle on the text, I think that there are parts of your paper that would benefit from a summary instead of a direct quote. Mostly I felt like this was a good idea when you were describing Ringwood talking to the landlady about Murrough. Maybe just summarize the emotions and ideas that went on during this transaction instead of quoting it verbatim.

In order to challenge your focus I would like you to consider the character of Ringwood, Bates and Murrough. I agree in entirety that Ringwood and Bates are dogs, and are meant to be portrayed as such. However, you talk briefly about Murrough being a woman of honest character, of pure blood. I think you touch on a more interesting subject when you consider Murrough’s bloodline, especially considering the quote during their conversation near the fireplace. You don’t use it in your paper, but Ringwood says something to the affect that he believes he still has a stake in this country, eluding to his feelings of entitlement to the land. Examples of his entitlement are strewn throughout the story from the first-class third-class coach ride, to his having the best room in the inn, to his roving about without needing to maintain a job or pay. He comes from a family of money, and a position of power. Murrough responds to him, saying that the stake is right through the heart of the country. I think you hit the nail on the head with the concept of Murrough being of a more pure bloodline, but I am not sure that her character is any more honest. She uses her womanly wiles to bewitch and enchant both Bates and Ringwood, and leads them to believe her intentions are love, and then turns them into creatures in order to rule over them. She is full of deceit just as much as Ringwood, so what is her purpose in the story? What makes her act of deceit more noble and worthy than that of Ringwood and Bates? Why is it ok for her to turn them into dogs and thrash them, but not for Ringwood to want a cup of milk?

I think you did a great job of really digging into this text. You pulled out many of the descriptive and narrative parts and put them under a literary microscope and came out with a great interpretation of what was being said. Stick to your intuitions, now just narrow down what you are saying, and make sure that every word you put into the paper, and every idea you work into the paragraphs supports what you are trying to say. I think there is a conflict of power in this story that many of your paragraphs and thoughts allude to but they don’t quite come out and say it. I want to see you really hone in on your focus and bring the paper centralized to it. It is obvious from how much you got out of this text that you will have no trouble supporting your idea once it solidly comes together on paper! I am glad you chose this story as well, even though it was one we weren’t supposed to read. I really enjoyed reading the story and learning from your analysis!

Sincerely,

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